Years ago getting licensed as a preacher or ordained as a pastor meant something special. You were called to do the work of the Lord. You were excited to live and glorify God with your life. The requirements of an elder, minister and pastor have not changed because the word of God remains the same. According to Titus 1:6-9, 1 Timothy 3:2-7 and 1 Peter 5:3 it lists the requirements for those who decide to lead people in ministry. These requirements are as follows: He must be the husband of one wife and committed to her, His children must be obedient, He must be a faithful steward, He must be humble, gentle, sober, peaceful, not greedy for gain, hospitable, a lover of good, self controlled, upright, holy, able to teach sound doctrine, spiritually mature, respectable and must be a biblical example to others. Unfortunately, there are some leaders who ignore these requirements and mislead masses of people. It is imperative that people study and know the truth for themselves. Following after ministers and pastors who don’t care about their own character, integrity, obedience, and relationship with God are disasters waiting to happen.
These disasters include affairs in the church. They continue to make news headlines. For example, on January 7, 2014, the Daily Mail reported a married lead pastor of a mega-church in the Phoenix suburb of Gilbert has been forced to resign after church leaders discovered that he has been engaging in multiple extramarital affairs with women from his congregation. The pastor Mark Connelly admitted to his sins and resigned as lead pastor of Mission Community Church on December 30 after being confronted about the affairs and asked to leave. (McCormack, 2014)
Another news story by Gary Lamb was originally posted on garylamb.org on June 29, 2010 which involved his own affair. The article titled, “Pastors and Affairs,” has been reposted on the website, Essential Church Planning on April 6, 2011. In the article Lamb states, a little over a year ago (now two years), I made a decision that cost me everything. After years of neglecting my marriage, I entered into a physical affair with a lady who wasn’t my wife. Needless to say, that was a life-changing decision and it cost me greatly. Though God has blessed me greatly in the last year (now two years), I will pay a heavy price for my actions for the rest of my life. Make no mistake about it, I have no one to blame but myself and I take 100% responsibility for my decisions and actions. Lamb also states that most pastors struggle with some form of insecurity, most pastors have no accountability, most pastors live their lives serving everyone except their wife, and the church has made pastors into rock stars instead of regular men called by God. Lamb ends by saying, “My goal is not to bash pastors or the church, but my prayer is that some guys might see the path they are headed down and get help before it’s too late.”
The previous stories are only two examples of how pastors and ministers get caught up in affairs. There are many more stories that exist in news archives and on the internet. When ministers and pastors choose to ignore the requirement of being the committed husband of one wife there is always trouble. They are headed down the wrong road when they spend more time with single women instead of their own wives. It is not the responsibility of ministers, pastors, or leaders to take single women out to dinner or repair their cars. All single women should have a roadside assistance or AAA policy for car emergencies. Also it is not the responsibility of ministers, pastors or leaders to fix things at single women houses or become temporary husbands to single women until they get married. This is a set up for an affair to happen every time.
According to the article “Why Affairs Happen?” by Cindy Crosby, as many as 65 percent of men and 55 percent of women will have an extramarital affair by the time they are 40, according to the Journal of Psychology and Christianity. A Christianity Today survey found that 23 percent of the 300 pastors who responded admitted to sexually inappropriate behavior with someone other than their wives while in the ministry. Also in Dave Carder’s and Duncan Jaenicke’s book, Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs (Moody), Carder notes that adultery and divorce rates in the evangelical population are nearly the same as the general population in the United States. In the article “Why Affairs Happen?,” Crosby lists three types of affairs. She says that Christians fall into all types of affairs such as One-Night Stands, a love relationship that starts as a friendship and grows primarily because of a deficit in the marriage, and sexual addictions.
Finally, Crosby suggests that an emotional affair without sex occurs when two parties share their feelings for each other. These affairs are supercharged with emotion. The sound of her voice, the style of his email–they are all loaded. But if you confront them, they’ll insist they’ve done nothing wrong. These secret emotional affairs are powerful influences in the individual’s lives. They often live in a fantasy world, where they imagine what the other party is doing, even while appearing to watch sports on TV or doing some other task.
1 Timothy 3:2-7
1 Peter 5:3
Carder, D., & Jaenicke, D. (2008). Torn asunder: recovering from extramarital affairs. Chicago, IL: Moody .
Why do single women want married men? Why do married men want single women? This spiritual dilemma is deeper than what meets the eyes. When this dilemma is present, sin is always in the midst. It is not God’s will for a married man to lust after another woman who is not his wife. Even though a man has not entered into a physical relationship with another woman the Bible still calls it adultery. According to Matthew 5:27-28, it states “Ye have heard that it was said, Thou shalt not commit adultery, but I say unto you, that every one that looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. When single women show total disrespect by going after another woman’s husband she is coveting what is not lawfully hers. According to Exodus 20:17 which is the tenth commandment, God says you shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor.
Your neighbor is not always someone who lives near you. Your neighbor is also your fellow human being. We should show respect for others and their belongings. We should not steal what does not belong to us. When you covet what someone else has it makes you discontent with what God has given you. When you continue to covet and concentrate on what your neighbor has you begin to plot out ways you can steal it. You are not satisfied with God’s plan for your life because you want your neighbor’s life. This is sin to the highest degree. To want what God has given your neighbor instead of being thankful for what He has given you. It is so ungrateful to want to be someone else instead of who God has made you.
This can further be explained in Micah 1:1-2, “Woe to them that devise iniquity, and work evil upon their beds! when the morning is light, they practice it, because it is in the power of their hand. And they covet fields, and take them by violence; and houses, and take them away: so they oppress a man and his house, even a man and his heritage.” It is never a good thing to take someone’s heritage and blessings because you are covetous, greedy, ungrateful, violent and wicked. You would never want this done to you.
According to Biblegateway.com, Jezebel was an evil and wicked woman. Savage and relentless, this proud and strong-minded woman carried out her foul schemes. She was also a gifted woman who prostituted all her gifts for the furtherance of evil, and her misdirected talents became a curse. Persuasive, her influence was wrongly directed. More determined than other women, she used her strength of character to destroy a king and her own offspring, as well as pollute the life of a nation. Jezebel was also an ardent idolater who worshiped Baal, a dominating wife, a corrupt tree whose life was void of godly principles, a treacherous schemer, a murderer, she loved adornment to get attention and she suffered a horrible death. (1 Kings 16:31; 18:4-19; 19:1, 2; 21:5-25; 2 Kings 9) Women who practice such wicked ways are daughters of Jezebel who operate under witchcraft.
Everyone should know that marriage is honorable before God. When a man and woman gets married they enter a covenant with God and each other. Their marriage is off limits to others. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13:4) Marriage brings many blessings and benefits to the man and woman in the covenant with God. The marriage illustrates Christ’s love for His church—His bride according to Ephesians 5:22.
If everyone knows that marriage is honorable and off limits why are so many single women and men going after someone’s spouse. Why are they so bold to break up marriages so they can have someone’s husband or wife. The blame is two fold. It goes on the spouse that engages with an outside man or woman. The blame also goes on the outside man or woman who engages with the married man or woman. Both will suffer consequences in the end.
There are some women and men who break up marriages because they want the blessings or material things of the married man and woman. They refuse to wait on God to bless them. James explains it further by saying “You crave what you do not have. You kill and covet, but are unable to obtain it. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask. And when you do ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may squander it on your pleasures. You adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore, whoever chooses to be a friend of the world renders himself an enemy of God. (James 4:2-4)
Many have created their own way by stealing what belongs to another married man or woman. This is what happens when you are worldly and carnal. You do not walk after the spirit but after the flesh. According to Romans 8:19-25, Paul states, the acts of the flesh are obvious which are sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; idolatry and sorcery; hatred, discord, jealousy, and rage; rivalries, divisions, factions, and envy; drunkenness, carousing, and the like. He says “I warn you, as I did before, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us walk in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying one another.”
1 Kings 16:31; 18:4-19; 19:1, 2; 21:5-25; 2 Kings 9